How to navigate ‘embarrassing’ moments during sex

One of my more embarrassing sexual encounters happened about decade ago, when I was a wee little fag navigating my first gay relationships.

I brought a cute boy back to my apartment one afternoon, and he offered to bottom for me. I was slightly terrified, because I had only played around with a couple guys in my whole life, and I still felt woefully unqualified in the realm of topping.

But I gave it a whirl.

My awkward thrusting didn’t last long, because, well, shit happened. I pulled out and noticed a bit of a mess—my interlocutor was not totally clean. I was caught off guard: Obviously I knew this could happen, but we both felt pretty embarrassed that it actually did.

I panicked a little, and tried to help him clean up. For both of our sakes, we called it a day and he left soon after.

That night I invited a friend over for an emergency gay mentorship session. I told him what happened, and he laughed and assured me that it was totally normal, and that it could handled a lot better than how I managed earlier in the day.

“Whew, what a relief,” I thought to myself.

That was far from the last time an accident like that happened during sex and, although it can still give me the ick, it no longer sends me into a panic.

It’s not the only type of embarrassing moment that can happen—in fact, mishaps are kind of inevitable when two sacks of flesh (read: humans) are trying to have a good time together. So here’s my best advice on how to navigate them.

One source of difficult moments during sex can be a simple lack of supplies.

As much as you can, try to go into sexual encounters with the things that will make you feel comfortable: Lube and condoms, for sure, but maybe also extra towels or wet wipes. If you’re outside, maybe some sunscreen and a bottle of water?

When you’re equipped with creature comforts, handling a messy situation can be a lot less awkward.

Humor can be an excellent way to diffuse the tension when something like this happens.

Did you have an accident, or even just let out an unflattering sound from one of your orifices? Throw in a cute “Whoopsies!” and keep it moving. A good laugh between you and your partner(s) can give you all permission to move past the embarrassing moment and keep having fun.

In other words: Don’t take it too seriously.

Sex need not be one uninterrupted sprint to the finish line of orgasm. That, my friends, is some heterosexual propaganda.

If something isn’t quite vibing, or a position doesn’t feel great, or maybe you’re having trouble staying hard, why not take a little pause?

Have a little snuggle or a breath of fresh air or, hell, even a little snack! There’s no rush. When you’re feeling more at ease, you can jump back into things.

If you’re hooking up with a more casual partner, or maybe you’re cruising and interacting with a total stranger, it can be harder to negotiate embarrassing moments.

You might not feel like asking for a break or injecting humor is the right move. Fair enough! Why not just let you and your partner(s) off the hook? Say something like, “Hey, sorry about that, if you don’t wanna keep going I totally understand, no hard feelings.”

Disappointing as it may be, there are always more fish in the sea.

Above all, the most important thing about embarrassing moments during sex is to not blame yourself.

Shit happens! (Figuratively and literally). I hope your partners are mature enough to recognize that, but even if they react poorly or try to shame you for something embarrassing, resist taking that on. (And maybe also reconsider seeing that person again… red flag, anyone?)

Sex is a hilariously strange activity, if you really think about it. It’s a miracle that we have figured out a way to put our parts together in the service of pleasure. When that doesn’t go perfectly, as is bound to happen, remember that it’s only human.

This week, I leave you with a snap of a chic courtyard in the heart of Milan.